Destiny? God’s Will ? Or changes that pushed us here ?

As I sit here at the dining room table, sipping on my coffee, trying desperately to wake up (late nights equating into late lazy mornings or afternoons in this case). I look around and wonder how I came to this place. In less than 6 months my challenging life has pushed me into a completely different route that has forced me into wanting to change my career choice, begin this blog and surprisingly start on a manuscript ( with a good start I might add and a couple of chapters already in ). As I look back from the beginning I wonder why I ever wanted to be in the medical field in the first place. Not that I don’t love my job or the people I work with, but why did I, at such a young age conform myself to such a narrow pathway. When I was younger there were no dreams of becoming an astronaut, traveling to different countries, becoming a celebrity or even having a family. The only thing I have ever wanted was to become a nurse and work (surprisingly) in the same hospital I am currently employed at. Where did this dream come from? Was I looking at a TV show and see a nurse walk in and demand that I have her life and that I was going to work from that day forward into making that come true? Was the need placed in front of me by a guardian or someone I looked up to? For 20+ years I have put all my energy into becoming a nurse and each strategic step I made in my life, through my hardships, have continuously pushed me into that role. Just so now, in less than 6 months, for those same hardships to throw me in a domino effect into something so different. But there’s a fire here. A fire I never expected and one that I can’t seem to shake off. Through the criticizing eyes of those around me I look straight ahead and know that in my heart I have found my place. For the first time in my life I don’t know where I’m going and why I even started looking, but I am here. There are many times that have stayed up at night while my mind wonders and think to myself what events have encouraged me to stray so far from my path. Is this God’s will? Have I always wanted to write and I denied it because I was so focused on the goal of that little girl or is it that these events have pushed me here. Maybe all three. I don’t know where I’m going and as much as that’s scary I have to enjoy this detour. I have never been placed into such a topsy turny road and there is beauty in the unknown. It often seems we are all willing to fast forward to the end of the movie or turn to the last chapter of the book but why I ask when the real excitement is the middle. The events and moments that have made that last final breathe just as sweet. I don’t know where this fire came from and I don’t know why it started but I am here. It might be short lived or I might end up staying but why fret about it? Life truly happens when we have left the windows open during a storm. It happens when we least expect it and it happens when we don’t need it to. I hope that your dreams and goals have lit up a place in you. My hope for you is that you, even if it’s only fleeting, feel what I feel at this very moment. This need that resides in me now is one that will leave its marks on my soul for the rest of my life. It’s difficult and it’s scarring but in itself is as unique and mysterious as it is beautiful. And something so life changing cannot possibly be all negative. It will change you into something that was not expected and either you can love that change or hate it, but trust in me when I say, that life……is in these moments.

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2 comments

  1. issi · January 13, 2015

    So true…and I think its awesome how you put it out there so that maybe people wondering will stop and think of the moment they are in now.

    Like

  2. TheChelseaPage · February 19, 2015

    This was great! It reminded me of a this post http://goinswriter.com/calling/. Jeff is a blogger I follow and am always encouraged by his posts. Maybe he can help you too! Keep up the pursuing of this calling. I’m excited to follow along!

    Like

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