My blood IS BOILING. It’s cascading to the top and I am one more article away from yelling obscenities to anything in arm’s reach. I am outraged. I am saddened. I am upset with myself. I am upset at everything. I am upset at everyone. I am upset at the world as a whole. I have literally worked 26 hours in the past two days. I have not slept for more than 5 hours in the combined two days ( and to be honest, this is probably one of the reasons I cannot control my emotions, so bare with me as I vent) and I’ve had enough caffeine to kill a meth head.
What has sent me over the edge, you might ask? Yesterday afternoon, my children’s principal was arrested inside of a mall for online solicitation of a minor. My children who are in elementary school. MY children. MY CHILDREN”S ELEMENTARY SCHOOL PRINCIPAL!!! This person has spoken to them. This person has held their hands while I pull up to the curb. I trusted him with their safety. I trusted him to take care of my precious children. I shook his hand. I had pleasant conversations with him. This principal. This CHILD PREDATOR. I let a child predator right under my nose. I let him guide me with his smiles and nice gestures. I let him be in my children’s lives and told them they could trust in him ! I feel as I have failed them.
You know you always imagine that as a parent you would be able to sense that ” bad ” vibe from a child predator. That across a park and pass a barn yard under the piles and piles of manure, you are the parent that could smell a predator even before they had set one deceitful disgusting eye on your creations. You fantasize over being the hero and saving the world from all pedophiles. But such dreams are not reality. The reality is that he seemed nice enough and the reality is that sometimes we cannot fully protect what we brought into this world. I think that is what really has upset me. That I cannot protect them forever or even all the time. I cannot shield them from the evils that have manifested here, even if I try to will it to be that way. I am angry that there even needs to be a reason for me to feel as though I have to watch them 24 hours a day. I am angry that these people even exist.
I. AM. ANGRY.